You are free to change therapists if trust doesn’t grow. Therapy depends on you wanting it yourself and trusting the person you work with. Neither can be prescribed.
Why it matters that you choose
Whether you start, and with whom, is your decision. The first appointment often comes after a long, difficult time. That is exactly when it matters that the decision is yours. It shouldn’t come from pressure by your partner, nor from your family or friends. People who don’t come of their own accord often find it hard to get into the work.
Many people expect therapy to give them answers and instructions, ideally straight away. Therapeutic support doesn’t hand out recipes, though. It works more like a mirror: it reflects back what it notices and offers prompts.
For example, I show you how you come across to me and what you set off in me. I ask questions that make you think about yourself. When I notice feelings in you, I name them. That can help you sense your own experience more clearly.
A relationship with clear boundaries
When both sides are willing to engage in the work, trust can develop. Everything else builds on this relationship.
Even so, the person working with you doesn’t become someone in your private life. They stay neutral and professional, and the relationship exists only within the sessions. That is a good thing.
All the more reason to find someone you feel comfortable with.
Raise your doubts before changing therapists
Trust sometimes takes a few sessions. That is normal. But if you keep feeling uncomfortable, can’t open up, or notice that you are holding things back, say so.
Tell the person how you experience them and what is stopping you from trusting them. A start could sound like this: “I notice that I’m holding a lot back here. I don’t quite know why yet, but I want to bring it up.” Anyone who works professionally takes feedback like this seriously and responds to it. If your feeling still doesn’t change, switching can make sense.
In couples therapy there is one more thing: both of you need to feel heard. I work in a multi-partial way there, which means I don’t take anyone’s side. If one of you still feels passed over, that belongs in the session. Often it shows something about the dynamic between you.
Not every relationship fits – in therapy either
Not every therapeutic relationship is a good fit, and that is fine. As anywhere between people, the chemistry has to be right.
You are free to choose who you work with. Make use of that. Look for someone with whom you can show yourself as you are, without pretending.
Where you feel seen and understood, change can begin.
With me, the initial session is there for this too: you notice whether the chemistry is right. Afterwards you decide in your own time whether you want to continue.
Let's get to know each other.
In the initial session you can take your time to sense whether you feel in good hands with me. Then you decide.
