Sex Therapy in BerlinNeukölln, Prenzlauer Berg and online
When desire goes missing, many people think: something is wrong with me. Yet desire is as layered as we are, and when it changes, there are reasons for it. As a sex therapist in Berlin, I see people at my practice or online. In sex therapy you talk about what otherwise stays unsaid – on your own or as a couple.
When sex no longer connects you
For many people, sex is a place where they feel alive and connected. That is exactly why it hurts when it feels restricted or unsatisfying. It wears away at your self-esteem and at the relationship. At the same time, hardly any subject carries as much shame and as many taboos.
Sometimes “I’m not in the mood” has nothing to do with a lack of interest. It can mean: my body doesn’t feel safe. Or: right now I don’t feel connected inside.
Desire begins where performance ends.
Sex therapy in Neukölln, Prenzlauer Berg or online
Prenzlauer Berg, Neukölln or online – choose whatever suits you best.
Prenzlauer Berg practice
4.9 out of 514 Google reviewsAm Friedrichshain 22
10407 Berlin
- Tram M4, buses 142 and 200 (stop Am Friedrichshain)
- Mon–Fri, 10 am–8 pm, by arrangement
- In English or German
- Not wheelchair accessible – online sessions possible
Neukölln practice
5.0 out of 57 Google reviewsKarl-Marx-Straße 7
12043 Berlin
- U7/U8 Hermannplatz (a few minutes' walk)
- Mon–Fri, 10 am–8 pm, by arrangement
- In English or German
- Not wheelchair accessible – online sessions possible
Couples and sex therapy online
By encrypted video, in English or German. Fully online or alternating with sessions at the practice.
What brings people to sex therapy
People come to me with very different questions. For example:
- little or no desire – or desire that has changed
- different levels of desire within a relationship
- performance pressure and fear of failing
- shame about your own sexuality, or about sexuality in general
- dissatisfaction with sex in a long relationship or marriage
- difficulties with arousal or erection
- discomfort or pain during sex
- ejaculation that comes earlier, later or not at all
- pressure around orgasm
- experiences of sexual violence that still affect you today
Women and men come to me, alone or as a couple, whatever their orientation and whatever shape their relationship takes.
With physical issues such as pain, erection or ejaculation, I look at the emotional side and at the relationship: pressure, fear, old patterns, the way you talk to each other.
If experiences of sexual violence are weighing heavily on you right now, you will find specialised services in Berlin that offer confidential counselling under Support services.
You decide what you talk about and how much. If you have questions beforehand, we can talk on the phone: 15 minutes, at no cost.
Request an initial sessionHow sex therapy with me works
It begins with honest, careful questions. What do you want? Where are your limits? What is holding you back?
The reasons for what weighs on you often lie deeper than the moment in bed. They can come from your life story, from earlier relationships or from images of sex that we have all picked up somewhere. This way of looking at your own history is called psychodynamic. I add body-oriented approaches to it. They let you feel your needs and limits instead of only thinking about them.
Many people, for example, feel pain during sex and still override it. Often there is an old pattern behind this: wanting to please, having to function. Or the fear of losing something. We look closely at patterns like these. And we look for words for what could not be said so far: shame, wishes, fantasies, pain.
On your own or as a couple
You can come to sex therapy on your own or together with your partner or partners. Many come alone at first, because the issue concerns them, or because the other person doesn’t want to come along (yet). Sexual issues are often relationship issues too. Then it can make sense to bring in elements of couples therapy, for example when one person wants sex more often than the other. I describe above, in the example “One wants more, the other less”, how pushing and withdrawing feed each other.
Sex counselling or sex therapy?
Sex counselling usually means a shorter conversation that answers questions and gives information. Sex therapy accompanies you for longer and also looks at where a difficulty comes from. I work with both. Some people come with a clear question, others want to work on something over a longer period.
The body in the session
Sex happens in the body. That is why we need the body to understand what goes on there when sexuality becomes difficult. It is about what you experience in your body when you engage with sexuality. The body works like a mirror. Sometimes it shows something you don’t have words for yet – because you are not aware of it yet, or because you don’t dare to say it.
I work with breathing, movement and voice, and with the impulses you notice in your body. In the session I ask where you feel something and what it feels like. Sometimes it is simply about noticing your own body without judging it. Some exercises come from Sexocorporel, a body-oriented approach from sexology, others from further body-oriented approaches. I use the breath to deepen what you feel. If you like exercises, you get homework and instructions to take home.
In sex therapy we stay with talking and awareness exercises. I do not touch you. There are no sexual acts. Your clothes stay on. You decide what you talk about and how far you go.
Wiebke Bergermann
Four examples from my practice
The examples are generalised. They describe concerns I come across often, not individual people.
What many couples keep quiet about
Many couples hardly talk about the sex they have. Some haven’t for years. What they like and what they don’t, how they want to be touched, where their limits are: it all stays unspoken. Often shame is behind this. Or the worry of offending the other person and being rejected.
Some couples first come to couples therapy with a different concern, perhaps because they no longer talk well with each other. The sexual issue is there as well; it just hasn’t been named yet. Then we talk about the relationship first and gradually about sex. That is allowed to take time.
In sessions I talk about sexuality plainly, with a certain lightness. I know how much it takes to do that, especially the first time. You set the pace.
One wants more, the other less
One person wants sex more often, the other less. The one who wants more keeps meeting rejection when they make a move. The one who wants less feels guilty and is afraid of disappointing the other again. The pressure builds. Some then have sex as a favour to the other person and override their own limits in the process. This often affects people who care a great deal about keeping their partner happy.
Over time, the person with more desire often turns passive and stops making approaches. Or they push for the other to finally take the initiative, while their own frustration and disappointment grow. Then the pressure rises for the person with less desire. They avoid sex and withdraw, until sexuality freezes. Many couples end up at a dead end.
Here I work with the function of low desire. I assume it has a good reason. So I don’t try to get rid of it. I want to understand it: what is happening between you that leads the body to choose not to want? The person with less desire is then not “the problem”. Many already feel guilty and wrong and have tried a lot to get their desire back. Turning towards the lack of desire with goodwill is, in my view, the precondition for anything to change.
Sex that no longer fits
Some people have sex that weighs on them or that they don’t enjoy. It has become monotonous, sometimes boring. Underneath there is often a simple question that is hard to answer: what do I actually want? Part of that is knowing your own limits, and knowing your own wishes and fantasies too. I work on this with couples and with individuals. We look for words that let you express it without steamrolling the other person. And it is about daring to stand by what makes you who you are sexually.
When sex hurts
Many women experience pain during sex. Often at the point of penetration, sometimes even with light touch. Some tell me they first have to push through the pain and can only enjoy it afterwards. However common that is: pain does not have to be part of sex.
Once a doctor has ruled out a physical cause, I look carefully at what the pain is doing. What is the body expressing that cannot yet be said in thoughts or words? The body often steps in where language is missing. Because the fear of saying something out loud is too great. Or because some things are not yet conscious.
What a sexual crisis can show
Sexuality shows how much we ask of ourselves and of others – and how much we allow ourselves to ask. A sexual crisis is exhausting. Sometimes it is also the moment to question old patterns and show more of yourself.
By the way, I don’t only know from books what it is like to lose desire. You can read more about my own path under About me.
I describe how we talk about sex in the first hour under Experiences.
Heilpraktikerin for psychotherapy (German state-licensed alternative practitioner), sex, couples and body-oriented therapist. I have lived and worked in Berlin for many years. Practices in Prenzlauer Berg and Neukölln, sessions also online and in English.
More about meFurther reading in the guide
I have written about some topics in more detail:
- Why it is so hard to talk about sex, and how to start: Talking about sex
- When you put yourself under pressure to orgasm: Pressure to orgasm
- How the female orgasm comes about: Female orgasm
- Why foreplay is already sex: Foreplay
- What makes good sex, and who decides: What makes good sex?
Seeing a sex therapist in Berlin: place, duration, fees
Sessions take place at my sex therapy practice in Neukölln near Hermannplatz or in Prenzlauer Berg by Volkspark Friedrichshain – or online. In English, too. How long sex therapy takes depends on what you come with. As a rule we meet every two to four weeks and look each time at what has changed. How long we work together is something we discuss together. You usually pay the fees yourself. You will find fees and the process under Process and fees.
I have lived and worked in Berlin for many years. People here talk openly about sex, and a lot seems possible. That is exactly what puts some people under pressure: if you live this freely, you feel you ought to have desire effortlessly too.
- 1You get in touch.
By form, email or phone, whichever is easier for you. If you like, we can talk on the phone for 15 minutes first, free of charge.
- 2We start straight away.
The initial session is already our first working session. You describe what brings you, and we start working on it right away. Often something already becomes clearer. Along the way you notice whether the chemistry is right. Afterwards you decide whether to continue.
- 3We keep going.
We usually meet every two to four weeks. In between, you try out new things in everyday life. In each session we look at what has changed and what to work on next. How long we work together is something we decide together.
Questions about sex therapy
“Is what I want normal?”
I hear this question often. I am more interested in whether your sex suits you than in whether it matches what other people do. Whatever you wish for or imagine, you can say it out loud here, and I won’t judge it.
“How exactly do I have to describe what happens in bed?”
As exactly as you like. Sometimes I ask specific questions, because details show where pressure builds or where desire tips over. You can say at any time that a question goes too far for you.
“Do I have to tell anyone at home that I’m coming?”
No. What you talk about here stays confidential, and whether you tell anyone is your decision. Sometimes that becomes the topic itself: what would happen if you told them?
“What if the cause is physical?”
Please have physical symptoms checked by a doctor first, for example by a gynaecologist or urologist. If you are already under medical care, I can also look at what is happening emotionally and in the relationship around the symptoms.
Talking about it is the first step.
Write me a few lines, as much or as little as you like right now. I usually reply within 24 hours and suggest a time for an initial session.
Prefer to write or call directly?
Request for an initial session.