You want sex, and still your erection fades. Next time you are already thinking about it beforehand, and it happens again. In sex therapy we look at what is putting the brakes on your arousal, alongside a medical check-up.
When your head comes to bed with you
Many men describe it like this: part of them is in the sex, another part is watching. Is it holding? Is it fading? The closer you watch, the more likely exactly that happens. Some then pull out of the closeness before it can get that far.
For your partner this is often hard to read. Is it me? Doesn’t he want me any more? Both of you find it hard to talk about.
What can lie behind it
Arousal comes from what fuels it and what holds it back. Anxiety, pressure and stress hold it back. An unspoken conflict can also act as a brake, or sex that hasn’t suited you for a long time.
Your body isn’t the enemy here. It responds to what you experience, including what you aren’t aware of.
How I work
We look at when the erection holds and when it doesn’t. What is different in those moments? What images of how sex is supposed to be do you carry around? And what do you actually wish for?
I include the body. Many men have learned to build arousal through tension: belly tight, breathing shallow. Under pressure, exactly this tension becomes the problem. We look at how you can build arousal with breathing, pelvic movement and attention to what feels good. In sex therapy I don’t touch you, and your clothes stay on. If you like exercises, you get some to take home.
For many men it is a relief that sex doesn’t have to start with an erection and end with penetration. Touching, kissing, hands, oral sex: all of that is sex. If you keep checking yourself during sex, you have little attention left for desire. If your partner comes along, we also look at the dynamic between you.
Please have erection difficulties checked by a urologist. They can also be an early sign of a physical illness.
The best way to find out whether my work suits you is to talk. If you like, we can talk on the phone for 15 minutes first, free of charge.
Request an initial sessionProcess and fees
An individual session lasts 60 minutes, a couples session in the practice 90 minutes. You come to the practice. For conversations, for example about how you deal with the pressure as a couple, we can also meet online. The initial session is already our first real working session. How long we work together is something we discuss together.
Fees
| in person | online | |
|---|---|---|
| Individual session | 110 €60 min | 110 €60 min |
| Couples session | 185 €90 min | 125 €60 min |
Fees per session, the same for every topic. The first session costs the same as any other.
Payment by bank transfer or PayPal. Free cancellation up to 48 hours before. Statutory health insurance does not cover the costs.
Am Friedrichshain 22
10407 Berlin
- Tram M4, buses 142 and 200 (stop Am Friedrichshain)
- Mon–Fri, 10 am–8 pm, by arrangement
- In English or German
- Not wheelchair accessible – online sessions possible
Karl-Marx-Straße 7
12043 Berlin
- U7/U8 Hermannplatz (a few minutes' walk)
- Mon–Fri, 10 am–8 pm, by arrangement
- In English or German
- Not wheelchair accessible – online sessions possible
Couples and sex therapy online
By encrypted video, in English or German. Fully online or alternating with sessions at the practice.
Questions about sex therapy for erection problems
“How do I know whether it’s physical or psychological?”
That is something the urologist clarifies, partly by asking when the erection comes and when it doesn’t. If it comes in the morning or when you masturbate, but not during sex with a partner, that rather suggests that pressure is involved. Often both play a part. I look at the emotional side and at the relationship, whatever the examination shows.
“I’m already taking pills. Is sex therapy still worth it?”
We can clarify that in the initial session. Medication prescribed by a doctor can support blood flow. It doesn’t create desire, and it doesn’t take away the anxiety. Some men notice that they now watch whether the pill is working, where before they watched the erection. Medical treatment and sex therapy don’t rule each other out.
Write to me when you're ready.
A sentence or two is enough. I usually reply within 24 hours and suggest a time for an initial session.
