Sex hurts, and many people carry on anyway. In sex therapy we look at what lies behind the pain and behind carrying on, alongside a medical check-up. You can come on your own or as a couple.
When the body says no
The pain often starts at the moment of penetration. Sometimes it burns for hours afterwards. Some people tense up as soon as sex is even on the horizon. Over time, closeness becomes something to dread.
Many have already had everything checked by a doctor and been told: physically, everything is fine. That is a relief and unsettling at the same time. The pain is still there, and it is not imagined.
Why so many carry on anyway
Many women feel pain during sex and override it. Often there is an old pattern behind this: wanting to please, having to function, the fear of losing your partner. The body then shows clearly what has no room in the head yet.
I know this from my own life. At some point I was only having sex in pain, until my intimacy froze completely. I write about this under About me.
How I work
I work with your body, not against it. We look at when the pain occurs, what happens beforehand and what you think and feel in the moment. We look for words for limits and wishes that couldn’t be spoken so far.
Exercises with breathing, movement and awareness are part of it. In sex therapy I don’t touch you, and you stay fully dressed. If you like, you get suggestions for things to try at home. More about body-oriented work under Body-oriented therapy.
If your partner comes along, we also look at how the two of you deal with the pain and what remains unspoken between you.
Please always have pain during sex checked by a gynaecologist or urologist as well. Sex therapy can run alongside that.
The best way to find out whether my work suits you is to talk. If you like, we can talk on the phone for 15 minutes first, free of charge.
Request an initial sessionProcess and fees
You come to the practice on your own or as a couple. For conversations, for example about how the two of you as a couple deal with the pain, we can also meet online. Sessions are in English or German. The initial session is already our first real session. We usually meet every two to four weeks. How long we work together is something we discuss together.
Fees
| in person | online | |
|---|---|---|
| Couples session | 185 €90 min | 125 €60 min |
| Individual session | 110 €60 min | 110 €60 min |
Fees per session, the same for every topic. The first session costs the same as any other.
Payment by bank transfer or PayPal. Free cancellation up to 48 hours before. Statutory health insurance does not cover the costs.
Am Friedrichshain 22
10407 Berlin
- Tram M4, buses 142 and 200 (stop Am Friedrichshain)
- Mon–Fri, 10 am–8 pm, by arrangement
- In English or German
- Not wheelchair accessible – online sessions possible
Karl-Marx-Straße 7
12043 Berlin
- U7/U8 Hermannplatz (a few minutes' walk)
- Mon–Fri, 10 am–8 pm, by arrangement
- In English or German
- Not wheelchair accessible – online sessions possible
Couples and sex therapy online
By encrypted video, in English or German. Fully online or alternating with sessions at the practice.
Questions about sex therapy for pain during sex
“Isn’t this something for a gynaecologist?”
Yes, that too. A medical examination is part of it, and I don’t replace it. I look at the emotional side and at the relationship: pressure, fear, old patterns, the way you talk to each other.
“Do I have to undress, or will I be touched?”
No. In sex therapy I don’t touch you, and you stay dressed. We work through conversation and awareness exercises.
“Where can I read more about pain during sex?”
In the guide Pain during sex and under Vaginismus I explain what can lie behind it.
Write to me, as much or as little as you like.
A sentence or two is enough. I usually reply within 24 hours and suggest a time for an initial session.
